You know when you’re watching a couple on a first date and the awkwardness is palpable and you don’t want to look, but you can’t seem to stop yourself? That’s what it’s like watching the “Kiss the Girl” scene in The Little Mermaid. It is so incredibly awkward, such a monumental failure of romance, logic, and serenading that it becomes a triumph of what not to do. Ever.
Things start off relatively strong.
The mood is romantic, the lagoon has nice lighting, and there is a waterfall. What could possibly go wrong? We naively ask ourselves.
Then things begin to go downhill. In a misguided attempt to hurry things along, Scuttle starts singing.
The mood becomes instantly worse.
Sebastian senses this, and takes matters into his own hands (claws?).
Phew! Things are back on track, and Eric is totally going to kiss Ariel!
It’s at this point that Eric decides he needs to know the name of the girl he’s falling in love with.
Go figure.
However, he is possibly the worst person at guessing names ever.
Mildred? Seriously, Eric?
Luckily, Sebastian is there to whisper “Ariel” in Eric’s ear and stop this proverbial ship from sinking.
Eric doesn’t help things by saying that Ariel is a “kind of pretty” name. Ugh, boys.
The ambience is on point, and Eric and Ariel float under the majestic leaves of a willow tree.
There are fireflies. Nature has really pulled out all the stops to make this kiss happen.
Scuttle, who cannot seem to help himself, starts to get a little carried away and adds what we’re sure he thinks is a beautiful harmony to the song.
In fact, it sounds like he’s wrestling with a yodeling goat, and Eric—and these flamingoes—are having a hard time ignoring it.
And yet, even that isn’t enough to curb the romance. Eric and Ariel are about to kiss!
We have been waiting so long for this! True love is about to prevail!
Except, what what? Flotsam and Jetsam have arrived at the worst possible moment and TIP THE BOAT OVER, RUINING EVERYTHING.
We will NEVER trust an eel because of this scene.
Thankfully we know that things end well for our star-crossed lovers, but let us tell you, that makes it no less difficult to watch this disaster of a first date.
