A wise philosopher once said, “The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.” We appreciate this sentiment on principle, but if you look at it from an Aquinian perspective, there has to be an ultimate lake somewhere with seaweed that’s straight up greener than everyone else’s. That’s just science.
Today we’re applying that cold, hard logic to the ages-old question of whether life as a mermaid or that of a human is objectively superior. Ariel makes a compelling case for humanity in “Part of Your World,” while Sebastian argues passionately for the life more aquatic in “Under the Sea.” We’re going to decide which one of them is right.
The time is now. The method is a pros and cons list.
Let’s start this thing out with some mermaid pros:
- You are a mythical creature
Technically speaking, you don’t exist, and how SWEET is that?
- Can talk to sea life
Humans cannot do this. Or they can, but the sea life doesn’t often talk back. (Rude.)
- Gadgets and gizmos aplenty
Somehow, everyone’s stuff ends up in the ocean, ready and available for you to curate in an impressive grotto of your choice and styling.
- Probs a great singer
Can you name any mermaids in The Little Mermaid who AREN’T good singers? Exactly.
- Dolphin carriages = save on gas!!
Renewable energy: we’ve solved it.
But of course, there are also some downsides to being a mermaid:
- Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Try to jump and dance without legs. Go on. We’ll wait.
- Constant threat of sea witch
We don’t have those on land. Because then they would be called LAND witches. Are we right?! (Sorry.)
- Bright young women get sick of swimming, ready to stand
And then of course they can’t. That’s just a bummer.
- Wardrobe options limited to tops
There’s really only so much you can do with that, style-wise.
- Don’t understand basic principles of fire
We suppose you wouldn’t really need to, but still: knowledge is power.
Since we here at Oh My Disney are humans ourselves (most of us; results pending on a few), we know a thing or two about the pros of being human:
- Two legs = can saunter away from the haters
We’d imagine this effect is diminished if you have a fin.
- Humans understand, don’t reprimand their daughters
At least according to Ariel, and we’re not trying to burst her bubble. GET IT? (Sorry again.)
- Can stay all day in the sun
With some caveats: 1) Gotta use SPF 2) Hydration is key.
- Can both walk and swim; keeps things interesting
Think about it: when you get tired of walking, you can go swimming. When mermaids get tired of swimming, all they can do is beach themselves.
- Ability to wear cute shoes
When mermaids try this, they just look silly.
Though we like to think of ourselves as perfect humans, being a human is not perfect, as these cons demonstrate:
- Can’t swim indefinitely without facing consequences
At some point, you have to stop if you don’t want to drown.
- Opening eyes underwater is not awesome
Especially saltwater. Mermaids probably don’t even appreciate how easy they have it.
- Hair does not remain flawless in ocean
This makes us emotional and we don’t like to talk about it.
- Gotta do work
“Out on the shore they slave all day.” – Sebastian. How does mermaid society function if no mermaids have jobs? #mystery
- People not shocked when they find out you exist
When was the last time you met a mermaid? Never? Now when was the last time you met a human? Probably like, eight minutes ago, right?
Doing the final tallying now and… we have a completely surprising and unpredictable tie. It’s all up to you now: mermaids or humans? Make your case in the comments: go.
