Maleficent’s Guide to Party Crashing

Once simply a clumsy act performed by embittered neighbors, Maleficent elevated party crashing to an art form. Using her ***flawless execution as a template and inspiration, you too can become the most notorious party crasher in your city. In hopes that we all may emulate her grace and poise, we’ve broken Maleficent’s greatest feat of social rebellion into nine easy-to-follow and fun-to-use steps—may they get you into every single private party you ever encounter.


Let’s begin!


1. Find a party to which you were not invited.
It doesn’t matter if there was a legitimate reason why you weren’t invited. In fact, all the more interesting if it’s a gathering of your sworn enemies. Or even better, a party in which you know absolutely no one. They’ll be talking about you for years. YEARS.


2. Make a dramatic entrance.
Maybe use some green fire? That’s right. All eyes on you.


3. Drag it out while everyone’s staring. Do nothing to ease the tension. Make them wait for it…


4. Slowly survey the room and then break the silence by proclaiming the party “a glittering assemblage.”
Attendees might be confused, but they’ll be forced to admit that your vocab game is strong.


5. Start a roll call of all the squads in attendance, and end it by calling some group “the rabble,” as in, “Oh look, you even invited the rabble.”
Maybe the people hovering by the chips?? Do it. This is key.


6. Confront the hosts with their rudeness for not inviting you. Call out the awkwardness to make things extra awkward: “Oh dear, what an awkward situation.”
Milk it. MILK IT.


7. Fake like you’re going to leave: “I’d hoped it was due to some oversight… Well in that event, I’d best be on my way.”
(You’re not going anywhere. This is a trick.)


8. SIKE! You’re still here. Target the guest of honor for a devastating curse.
Sample curses might include, “I hope you lose one of your favorite socks in the wash,” or “May you step in gum every day for the rest of your pitiful life.”


9. Disappear in a puff of green magic fire.
Say something devastating and steal the chips or something on your way out. That’s how you fade into legend.


Good luck, Disney fans. Be sure to report back the results.

Posted 6 years Ago
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