Dating: Just thinking about it can be exhausting. We can’t attend any grand balls to meet a suitor, we can’t meet a prince under a spell in an enchanted castle, we can’t ask grandmotherly trees for advice… Even though Disney characters’ dating stories haven’t been the most conventional (Roger and Anita Radcliffe’s meet-cute in a park ended in them protecting an exorbitant amount of puppies from a fur-hungry madwoman) they are the most romantic. Because Disney characters have navigated the dating world with a certain style and grace, we now turn to them for wisdom. Click out of OkCupid, retire your swiping, and read this sage relationship advice from a myriad of Disney love gurus:
“You’ve gotta bat your eyes, like this. You’ve gotta pucker up your lips, like this.” — Sebastian, The Little Mermaid
You know, we never thought we’d take dating advice from a crustacean, but here we are.
“People do crazy things… when they’re in love.” — Meg, Hercules
Ah, the infatuation stage. Meg’s right, when you fall in love with that special someone you might find yourself acting out of character (it turns out this also happens when you fall in love with a Greek demi-god).
“Well, you can start by making yourself more presentable. Straighten up! Try to act like a gentleman.” — Mrs. Potts, Beauty and the Beast
Some of us need a little more help than others when it comes to meeting someone. Beast, for example needed pretty much all of the help that he could get. We would recommend turning to family, friends, and perhaps the Internet for tips on self-improvement. Unfortunately for us, trying to solicit advice from a teapot will most likely not work in our favor.
“Impress her with your rapier wit.” — Lumiere, Beauty and the Beast
“Rapier” is an adjective that means quick and incisive. Then again, if you have a rapier wit, you probably already knew that. Don’t be afraid to show off how bright you are, and let your intelligence shine.
“All right, Sparky, here’s the deal. If you wanna court the little lady, you gotta be a straight shooter. Do ya got it? Tell her, the TRUUUUUUTH!” — Genie, Aladdin
Be honest, and don’t lie to your date. Pretty straightforward advice, but it can be difficult to follow if you’re trying to impress someone you really like. You could also try wowing your date with celebrity impressions.
“Uh… How about a girl who’s got a brain, who always speaks her mind?” — Mulan, Mulan
In the same vein, be yourself! Even though Mulan spent a lot of time posing as someone else, her personality and intellect shone through and she never stopped being true to herself!
“The road to true love may be barred by still many more dangers, which you alone will have to face. So arm thyself with this enchanted Shield of Virtue, and this mighty Sword of Truth, for these weapons of righteousness will triumph over evil.” — Flora, Sleeping Beauty
Do you guys get it now? Be a good person and don’t lie. Make your moms proud. And your fairies. Your date will appreciate it.
“Hang on, you mean to tell me you got engaged to someone you just met that day? Didn’t your parents ever warn you about strangers?” — Kristoff, Frozen
There’s a whole song in Frozen about how Kristoff and Anna are basically clueless when it comes to dating, but this advice is actually pretty great. Take your time and get to know someone!
“Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Grandmother Willow, Pocahontas
We’ve never wanted a talking tree to serve as our sounding board as much as when we watch Pocahontas. Grandmother Willow is always coming up with the wisest advice. She is a tree so she’s hundreds of years old, and has probably seen some stuff. While you have to stay practical, like Kristoff, it’s also important to listen to your heart.
“Even miracles take a little time” — Fairy Godmother, Cinderella
Cinderella’s love story was a race against the clock, but Fairy Godmother was right when she said that even miracles take a little time. Relax, be patient, and trust that you will meet someone when the time is right. And hopefully you’ll just be able to exchange phone numbers and they won’t have to run around your town shoving a shoe on random peoples’ feet to try and find you.
What other dating advice have you heard from Disney characters?