It’s a well-known fact that Captain Jack Sparrow is amazing. No other pirate has the same sea savoir faire. His ability to drop a one-liner is unparalleled, and his style is undeniable, and because of that, he can get away with some things that we mere mortals cannot. Trust us—we’ve tried. Let us count the ways:
1. Insisting that people refer to you as “Captain.”
According to the DMV, “Captain” does not replace other titles like Mr., Mrs., or Miss.
2. Riding on top of a sinking ship/vehicle.
For safety reasons we advise that you not do this.
3. Using the phrase, “You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain [Insert Your Name]” whenever you leave a room.
Contrary to what certain pirates might have you believe, this is not a socially acceptable farewell.
4. Succumbing to an ancient Aztec curse.
Undead is not good look on us commoners. Leave the cursed treasure where you found it and carry on with your business.
5. Switching alliances so often that both competing sides get dizzy watching you.
Unless you are a swashbuckling pirate, this is an effective way of alienating yourself.
6. Encouraging others to throw your hat.
Unless it’s during graduation. Then it could be somewhat okay. All other times… no.
7. Admitting to people that you’re dishonest.
It kind of defeats the purpose, you know?
8. Carrying a jar of dirt with you wherever you go.
People will start asking questions that you may not be prepared to answer.
9. Talking to yourself.
It’s generally more strategic to think your thoughts silently. Otherwise your enemies will learn all your secrets.
What would you add to this list? Tell us in the comments!