Some Disney characters are on point when it comes to relationship advice. Others not so much. Their dating tips can be questionable at best; their guidance, not so nice. It’s good to listen to people/animals/objects who are trying to help you, but may we suggest taking the below counsel with a grain (or many grains) of salt?
1. “You’ll have your looks, your pretty face, and don’t underestimate the importance of body language. Ha!” – Ursula, The Little Mermaid
Taking advice from a sea witch is never a good idea. Taking this advice from a sea witch is definitely a bad idea.
2. “Well, there’s the usual things: Flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep …” – Cogsworth, Beauty and the Beast
Cogsworth is nothing if not cynical. Fortunately, Beast ignored his little clock friend and chose to give Belle a gift with a personal touch: a library, because of her love of reading.
3. “Dearest, you’ve got to stop rejecting every suitor that comes to call. The law says you must be married to a prince.” – Sultan, Aladdin
The Sultan has good intentions here, but he’s valuing the law over Jasmine’s happiness. Also, he’s the Sultan … can’t he change the law?
4. “Get the fiancé out of the way and the whole thing will be fixed.” – Trolls, Frozen
The trolls are just looking out for Kristoff by trying to play matchmaker, but this tip makes us weary. (It turned out that Hans was a villain so everything worked out okay, but what if he had just been a normal dude?) If you have a friend/family member who’s engaged, you should probably not try to break up that arrangement.
5. “True love does not exist.” – King Stefan, Maleficent
RUDE. King Stefan is a romantic buzzkill. True love is hard to find, and true love is rare … but it does exist!
6. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, my lord. You will order the princess to marry me.” – Jafar, Aladdin
Using powers of coercion (and magic) to make someone fall in love with you has never worked in the history of mankind. Settle down, Jafar.
7. “Come on, they’re not all that impressed with conversation.” – Ursula, The Little Mermaid
Ursula could write a whole book on dating, given the amount of wisdom she bestows on her unfortunate clients. We would not recommend purchasing said book (see #1).
8. “I can’t believe you’re getting all worked up over some guy.” – Hades, Hercules
It’s okay to be excited when you’re in love! If you’re into a guy as kind and heroic as Hercules, you have full permission to be happy about it. Don’t let a Hades get you down.
9. “It’s apple pies that make the menfolks’ mouths water.” – Evil Queen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Back off, lady. Gooseberry pies are just as popular with menfolk as apple pies, and both are equally popular with womenfolk. We see right through your scam.
What are some other Disney dating don’ts that you can think of?