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Paolo from The Lizzie McGuire Movie is the Worst Disney Villain

Traitorous Italian pop star Paolo Valisari from The Lizzie McGuire Movie was Hans before Hans was Hans. Due to his status as literally the worst, it’s practically impossible to explain exactly how egregious Paolo’s crimes against Lizzie are, but we’re going to try anyway.

 

First thing’s first: We choose to believe Paolo wasn’t actively prowling for Isabella’s blonde American clone, which means that he saw Lizzie and immediately came up with his diabolical plan on the spot.
Paolo first sees Lizzie McGuire
Other villains have to premeditate their schemes. Paolo is evil incarnate.

 

The next time Lizzie sees Paolo, she walks in on a carefully-staged scene in which he is adorably helping three tiny Italian children make a wish in the fountain.
Paolo helps kids make a wish in The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Look how he ruffles one’s hair just so, and all in the name of cruel manipulation. Heartless.

 

But the soulless charade is far from over.
Paolo offers Lizzie McGuire a ride on his Vespa
Oh, how’s that, Paolo? On a red Vespa of lies and deceit?

 

They go on their scenic little field trip, and Lizzie is quite taken with the whole thing.
Lizzie laughing as she rides Paolo's Vespa
Look at her unbridled joy. Paolo is a monster for daring to mess with her.

 

Now, Lizzie is a sweet, trusting, fashionable baby angel, but at this point we skeptics begin to question Paolo. He starts claiming that Isabella bailed on him because he wanted to make more serious music.
Paolo asking Lizzie McGuire what about me
This is all lies, of course, but even in his fake version of reality, Paolo’s a jerk. Like, he is literally saying he broke up with his girlfriend because she was too mainstream.

 

Then Paolo begins spinning his yarn about needing Lizzie to lip sync as Isabella at the awards ceremony. Lizzie is certain that her + a giant crowd = disaster, so Paolo cranks up the manipulation.
Paolo tells Lizzie McGuire shes magnifico
Magnifi-NO.

 

Later, when Lizzie confronts Paolo about inconsistencies in his story, Paolo does not miss a beat in covering his tracks.
Paolo makes a promise to Lizzie McGuire
Nobody should be that good at lying. Nobody.

 

Then this happens and we learn that Paolo is worse than we could have imagined.
Paolo tells Lizzie McGuire she is beautiful
Fine, brutally use this innocent girl for your maniacal ends, but why must you manipulate her first? It serves no purpose to the success of the plan! She’s already agreed to pretend to be Isabella! Yikes.

 

The night of the big awards show comes, and Paolo is still a horrible person.
Paolo tells Lizzie McGuire you shine like the light from the sun
Unbelievable.

 

The show begins. Paolo struts onstage confidently.
Paolo walking onstage in The Lizzie McGuire Movie
“Hi, how’s everyone doing tonight? Just about to ruin some innocent girl’s life.”

 

But sweet revenge is about to be ours.
Isabella tells Paolo to sing in the Lizzie McGuire Movie
Paolo gets his just reward in The Lizzie McGuire Movie
We’re not spiteful people, but Paolo finally getting his just desserts really is what dreams are made of.

 

In conclusion: worst Disney villain, most triumphant Disney victory.
Lizzie McGuire singing This is What Dreams Are Made Of
You go, Lizzie.

 

What are you feelings about Paolo from The Lizzie McGuire Movie? Tell us in the comments!

Posted 5 years Ago
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