So, you think you might be dating a Disney Villain. Don’t worry, it’s happened to the best of us. However, you do need to find out for sure if your suspicions are correct. “But how?” We can hear you asking through time, space, and the internet. By going through the below list, of course. If your significant other is exhibiting one or more of the following behaviors, our advice* is to maybe consider the possibility that your date is evil.
1. Your significant other (S.O.) has been treating you like an animal.
Have you looked in the mirror? Please do that now to make sure that you aren’t actually an animal (due to an evil-plot miscommunication).
2. Your S.O. talks to themselves a lot, dramatically.
Sure, everyone talks to themselves, to a certain extent. But if you’ve noticed that your S.O. has been whispering about plots to overtake a kingdom/get what’s theirs/ruin someone’s life, and if they’re doing so with over-the-top gestures under self-made dramatic lightning, this could be a warning sign.
3. Your S.O. has a newfound love of fruit, and they are keen to share this with you.
This one doesn’t always mean villainy, it can be easily confused with an interest in healthy living, however, lookout for any skull-shaped liquids dripping off the apples on offer, specifically the apples.
4. Your S.O. keeps pushing you to sign things all of sudden.
Namely, really long, magical contracts with “for all eternity” clauses. Do not sign these. Do always read the fine print.
5. Your S.O. has started displaying signs of paranoia, these seem to grow worse around clocks.
Clocks are not scary, unless the crocodile that took your hand has one in its belly, thereby alerting you whenever it’s near and wanting seconds. (Or if it’s one of those grandfather clocks that looks like it has eyes, but we digress.)
6. Your S.O.’s hair has literally become fire.
“Maybe it’s just a new style the hipsters are trying,” you’ve told yourself until now. We’re truly sorry to have to confirm: It’s not.
7. Your S.O. has a new obsession, and it’s all they can think/talk about.
We all say we’re obsessed with things, but most of us are just saying that. If your S.O. is actually unable to focus on anything but a mythical diamond or lack of a party invite, be wary.
8. Your S.O. has recently acquired a bird, and the two are now inseparable.
Parrot, raven, any bird really. The main thing is that if they’re having conversations, things might already have gone too far.
9. Your S.O.’s chatter has become more self-centered of late.
Everything is suddenly about them, everything is theirs. Take note, as this is a slippery slope to villainy.
*This is just our advice, we suggest confronting your S.O. and asking them, “are you evil?” in the kindest way possible to really find out for sure.**
**Did we mention that we’re not great at advice?
