We would gladly be monkeys if it meant Rafiki could be our uncle; lamentably, science has not yet come that far. So instead, all we can do is channel our inner mandrill-shamans as best we can in the time that we’re given. In that spirit, read on for some foolproof tips to Rafiki-fy your life:
Others: Use the stairs.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Arbitrarily scaling walls instead.
Others: Smile and wave at babies.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Wiping fruit on babies’ faces.
Others: Cradle a baby in their arms.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Holding a baby like a boombox.
Others: Remain relatively stoic when they realize something.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Laughing hysterically at every new realization.
Others: Rush out and tell people when they find out the long-lost lion prince lives.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Telling no one and instead declaring “it is time” with a wild look in your eyes.
Others: Spend nights sleeping.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Spending nights dancing in a tree and chanting, “Asante sana, squash banana.”
Others: Announce their presence in the company of others.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Spying on others from afar.
Others: Introduce themselves when asked, “Who are you?”
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Refusing to answer any questions except by repeating the question back.
Others: Actually tell a secret after whispering, “Come here, it’s a secret.”
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Not telling a secret, and instead reverting to your old cryptic standby of “Asante sana, squash banana.”
Others: Do not incorporate yoga positions into casual conversations.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Doing yoga literally always.
Others: Offer straightforward advice.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Stylishly shrouding your advice in metaphors.
Others: Hug their friends after a big victory.
Rafiki-fy yourself by: Also hugging your friends after a big victory, except by now it’s extra special because you’ve Rafiki-fied yourself so successfully that everyone regards you as their wise monkey uncle whose love means the world to them.
What’s your favorite thing about Rafiki? Tell us below!
