There are three types of people in this world: People who record podcasts, people who listen to podcasts, and people who pretend they listen to podcasts when their friends are talking about them. No matter which camp you fall into, we invite you to check out these hypothetical Disney character podcasts—no subscription required.
The Flynn Rider Experience
After abandoning his life of thievery and marrying Rapunzel, Flynn Rider née Eugene Fitzherbert, would likely find some time on his hands for more noble pursuits. In “The Flynn Rider Experience,” a podcast taped live at the Snuggly Duckling, Flynn would sit down with each of the Pub Thugs to hear about what it’s been like to pursue their dreams. Flynn’s podcast would ask burning questions including: Did Atilla ever get his bakery off the ground? Which Corona celebrity has been spotted carrying around Vladimir’s ceramic unicorns? Will Bruiser and Killer ever open up that joint Etsy shop together?
“What’s This?” with Jack Skellington
Jack Skellington is brimming with curiosity. His foray into Christmas Town led him to the realization that each holiday is full of different types of people, traditions, and customs. On his weekly podcast, Jack might invite the Easter Bunny to sound off on the most popular candy in Easter Town these days, or ask Cupid to fly in and read some love poems. We can only hope that Jack himself might tease listeners with hints about what his big entrance will be at the upcoming Halloween celebration.
In her podcast, Dory will tell one story — a true story — over the course of a season, and each episode will be a new chapter. It is the story of how she dove into one of the most important investigations and rescues in the history of the Great Barrier Reef. Dory might have some trouble remembering all of the details of the story, but you’ll get the general idea.
Belle’s Reading Record
“Bookworms, unite!” might be a good tagline for Belle’s new show, sponsored by the Provincial Town’s public radio affiliate. Belle’s podcast would be all books all the time, and there would be no shortage of reading material to cover thanks to all the volumes in her incredible library in the Palace. While French titles would take priority over others, any and all books would be welcomed. However, can someone remind Belle to avoid spoilers? (We know her favorite part is when the main character meets Prince Charming; we don’t need to know she discovers that it’s him in Chapter 3.)
All Badges Collected
Russell knows it can be a grueling process to rise up the ranks and become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. Giving him a platform to share his tips, tricks, and stories with fellow explorers would make for a perfect podcast, and undoubtedly help someone else out there receive their “Assisting the Elderly” badge.
Welcome to Andy’s Room
When Andy’s away, the toys will play. “Welcome to Andy’s Room” would feature updates and announcements that every toy might need to know. Recorded by Mr. Mike, the show would include community insights from Woody, a weather forecast from Buzz, Mr. Potato Head doing brief stand-up sets, and Wheezy singing musical numbers.
The Hunny Spot
True hunny-heads know that every honey pot has a unique, special flavor. Fortunately for the future of podcasts, there’s no one better to talk about the beauty of hunny than Pooh Bear himself. Christopher Robin may make a cameo appearance or two for a special feature on spelling and grammar.
ZEN with Rafiki
While going through a guided meditation led by Disney and Disney•Pixar characters is the best way to achieve a peaceful state, “ZEN with Rafiki” would offer an on-the-go option for clearing your mind and becoming your best self. Each episode would open with a rousing rendition of “Asante sana squash banana,” and include sage life lessons and wisdom from Rafiki. Devout fans who subscribe to the fan club might receive a small keychain in the shape of his staff to clip to their keyring.
Duke it Out
The Duke of Weselton is a learned man. Not only does he have dance moves for days, but he also has some experience in foreign affairs (notice we didn’t say good experience). Most importantly, he knows when there’s something dubious going on, and he’s not afraid to hide his feelings about it. On “Duke it Out” the nobleman would dive into his wide variety of interests … all leading back to the conspiracy theories that lurk beneath the surface of Weselton.
Itty Bitty Living Spaces
Sure, Genie’s done some magical things with his phenomenal cosmic powers … but what about dealing with his itty bitty living space? Thousands of years trapped inside a tiny lamp surely provided Genie with ample time to figure out how to make do with less space. We have a feeling he has some storage and interior decorating tips that would make Marie Kondo proud. His podcast would be a tiny house owner’s dream.
Which Disney character do you think should have their own podcast? Tell us in the comments!