Disney characters have some of the most impressive facial hair the world has ever seen, and today we’re ranking it from incredibly impressive to somewhat impressive to just being there. Join us, won’t you?
1. King Triton (The Little Mermaid)
King Triton’s beard is both massive and massively awesome. It’s huge, looks super soft, and somehow looks great both in and out of water.
2. Zeus (Hercules)
We mean … he’s Zeus. We pretty much had to rank him high on the list, but it’s not like he didn’t earn it! The King of the Olympian Gods has a truly incredible beard.
3. King Fergus (Brave)
What would the laird of DunBroch be without his striking red mustache? Bonus points for the chin scruff that shows that deep down he’s a man of the people.
4. Sgt. Floyd Pepper (The Muppets)
Can you imagine the skill, precision, and patience that went into Floyd perfecting the coolest mustache of all time? Rock on.
5. The Grand Duke (Cinderella)
Muttonchops aren’t usually our thing, but we can deny how great the Grand Duke’s facial hair is. Thank goodness Cinderella didn’t see him before the Prince! (We kid.)
6. The Emperor of China (Mulan)
Not only does the emperor have a crazy long beard, he has a crazy long mustache! You can tell the emperor has earned his wisdom based on how many years it must have taken him to grow his facial hair.
7. Rafiki (The Lion King)
Rafiki’s massive white facial hair encompasses his entire head! Would you really trust his wisdom as much if he didn’t have the beard? We didn’t think so.
8. Merlin (The Sword in the Stone)
What is a wizard without an awesome body-length white beard?!
9. Sorcerer Yen Sid (Fantasia)
What is a sorcerer without an awesome body-length white beard?
10. Caveman Father (The Good Dinosaur)
Never given a name. Never speaking a word. Always rocking the coolest facial hair in pre-history.
11. The Sultan of Agrabah (Aladdin)
The Sultan’s facial hair is so crucial to his character that we can’t even begin to picture what he might look like without it … and we don’t want to!
12. Genie (Aladdin)
How much of Genie’s curled beard is magic and how much is just impressive hair management? We’re not sure, but one of our three wishes would definitely be to have facial hair just like it!
13. Dr. Teeth (The Muppets)
With bright orange hair spanning his entire massive jaw, Dr. Teeth’s beard truly rocks!
14. Frozone (The Incredibles)
Where. Is. My. Super. Facial Hair?! It’s right there on your face, Frozone. Never change it.
15. TIE: King Stefan and King Hubert (Sleeping Beauty)
Look at those muttonchops on King Hubert and that sleek black beard on King Stefan! These two might as well be dubbed the kings of facial hair!
16. Alameda Slim (Home on the Range)
The evil Alameda Slim has facial hair that works on two levels: Incredibly evil and affably charming. It makes his sneering and his yodeling so much better.
17. Preston B. Whitmore (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)
That full-faced beard! That twirly mustache! Whitmore’s facial hair shows his age and his eccentricity very nicely. We really wish this beard had gone to Atlantis too.
18. Fred’s Father (Big Hero 6)
Stan Lee ‘stache. ‘Nuff said.
19. Don Carlton (Monsters University)
Technically Don’s mustache isn’t hair … but you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who is more suited for a mustache than good ol’ Don.
20. Amos Slade (The Fox and the Hound)
Amos Slade may be a bit of a hot-headed jerk, but we can’t deny that his mustache really works for him.
21. The Duke of Weselton (Frozen)
His trade deals may be sketchy, but The Duke of Weselton’s bushy mustache is wonderful.
22. TIE: Dr. Dawson ( The Great Mouse Detective) and Rufus (The Rescuers)
The mustaches on these two rank slightly higher because they’re mustaches on animals. How does that work?!
23. TIE: Geppetto (Pinocchio), Professor Porter (Tarzan), Maurice (Beauty and the Beast)
We like to call these three the ‘Stache Dads. Pretty fitting, right?
24. Mr. Potato Head (Toy Story)
Stylish AND removable! What could be better?
25. TIE: Riley’s Dad and Riley’s Dad’s Emotions (Inside Out)
There’s no better mustache for putting the foot down.
26. The Swedish Chef (The Muppets)
The Swedish Chef may be unintelligible and his food may be inedible, but he clearly has the recipe for a fantastic mustache.
27. Charles Muntz (Up)
The pilot of the airship The Spirit of Adventure, Muntz adds a splash of white to the trend of thin villain mustaches. Huzzah for variety!
28. Waldorf (The Muppets)
We would criticize Waldorf’s choice of facial hair, but we’re afraid of the relentless heckles that he would dole out if we did.
29. Gene (Wreck-It Ralph)
Although he’s Ralph’s constant annoyance in Fix-It Felix Jr., we have to give it up to Gene for rocking a notable 8-bit mustache.
30. Sandy Claws (The Nightmare Before Christmas)
Please don’t put us on the Naughty List for ranking Sandy Claws this low … but Sally’s heart was not in making this costume.
31. Phoebus (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
Phoebus has the enviable distinction of being the only blonde on this list.
32. Flynn Rider (Tangled)
Flynn has his patented smolder look down, but his small amount of facial hair leaves a bit to be desired. Still, no one makes rugged, handsome, and slightly unkempt work like Eugene Fitzherbert.
33. TIE: Jafar and Old Beggar (Aladdin)
A twisted beard for a twisted soul. Jafar brings elegance to the villain beard game. His facial hair somehow makes his face look longer and creepier. The Old Beggar also has an impressive, if not scraggly, beard. Huh. Anyone ever notice how similar these two look?
34. Governor Ratcliffe (Pocahontas)
Ratcliffe combines his thin mustache with a small beard under his lips. It’s not quite a goatee and it’s not quite a mustache. Whatever it is, it’s his, his, his.
35. Dr. Calico (Bolt)
Though Dr. Calico is a fake villain on Bolt’s TV show, he has some incredibly menacing facial hair. That pointed chin beard is as impressive as it is scary.
36. TIE: Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Doc (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
You didn’t really think we’d rank one dwarf beard higher than another, did you?
37. Captain Hook (Peter Pan)
Yet another pencil-thin villain ‘stache, but Captain Hook ranks higher for his styling of said ‘stache. The impressive angling must have been quite difficult and really adds to his posh look.
38. Lew Zealand (The Muppets)
Have you ever heard of a boomerang fish thrower without a mustache?
39. Dr. Facilier (The Princess and the Frog)
The otherwise stylish and flashy Dr. Facilier keeps his facial hair simple. So simple, in fact, it’s almost creepy. We have to assume that’s what he was going for.
40. Clayton (Tarzan)
What is it with villains and pencil-thin mustaches? Is it in the villain handbook under approved facial hair styles? Must be.
41. King of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
One of many, many royals to appear on this list is the King of Hearts. The king sports a mustache so thin you almost have to squint to see it. It’s relatively cute but not very impressive … much like the king himself!
42. Chef Skinner (Ratatouille)
Like many characters on this list, the Chef de Cuisine of Gusteau’s Restaurant rocks a pencil-thin ‘stache. As a villain, the mustache works for Chef Skinner and really accentuates his ever-present frown.
43. Mr. Snoops (The Rescuers)
This facial hair is so strange. Did Mr. Snoops make it that way on purpose? Did Mr. Snoops forget to shave? We may never know, but we’re not fans, Mr. Snoops.
44. Animal (The Muppets)
Animal is basically all face and all hair, so he makes this list by default.
45. TIE: Every Mammal in Zootopia
We may be cheating a bit right off the bat by selecting virtually every character in Zootopia, but they all have hair on their faces. That’s what makes them mammals.