It’s officially Bachelorette season, and that means we’re all looking for reasons to hand out roses—like a great pickup line, for example. But alas, as the season premiere demonstrated, pickup lines are tricky to get right, and they take practice. So, for the sake of love and learning, let’s take a moment to study—and rank—some Disney pickup lines. FYI, I’ve arranged this list in order, from “Get me out of here!” to “Will you accept this rose?” because I believe that no matter how bumpy the road, love always wins in the end.
“Belle, it’s about time you got your head out of those books and paid attention to more important things, like me.” – Gaston, Beauty and the Beast
Hey Gaston, did you take the time to check out what book Belle is reading? It’s called How To Avoid Total Jerks. This attempt at Belle’s attention is totally misguided. Right after he delivers this gem of a pickup line, Gaston throws Belle’s beloved reading material in the mud, then explains that it’s not right for a woman to read because she might start “getting ideas” and “thinking.” Keep your #mansplaining to yourself, Gaston.
“Kissing would be nice, yes?” – Naveen, The Princess and the Frog
You know a pickup line goes well when the recipient screams and runs backwards into a bookshelf. To Naveen’s credit, he is currently a frog. But also: Consider the context. Read the room. Scale it back. You get it.
“Glad I caught you.” – Hans, Frozen
Nice catch and nice wordplay, Hans. With those kind of moves, why did Hans get ranked so low on this list? Because he’s almost too good at pickup lines, which is a red flag for everything else he does later on. And because he’s Hans.
“Carrots. Behind you.” – Kristoff, Frozen
It breaks my heart to rank Kristoff just above Hans, but with a line like this, he’s got me between a chunk of ice and a hard place. I mean, I get that he’s a bit out of sorts. But, Kristoff! There is a gorgeous female in front of you, and you can’t even say “Hello”?! Come to the party! Boy, was I happy when he finally did.
“I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you, but may I just say: Hi. How you doin’? The name’s Flynn Rider. How’s your day goin’? Huh?” – Flynn Rider, Tangled
You’re so dreamy, Flynn. But this line is a whole lot of build up followed by a crash landing. OK, in Flynn Rider’s defense, he is in a tricky situation. But still, for someone who’s got the flirtatious eyebrow lift on lock, you’d think he could do better. Thankfully, Eugene is just waiting to come out.
“Hello.” – The Prince, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Oh, Prince. You’re so darling with that fluffy brown hair and those strong vocal chords. But sneaking up on someone while she’s singing? Probably not the best way to go. Fortunately for the Prince his great bone structure and gift of song pretty rapidly turn things around.
Phillip: “But don’t you remember? We’ve met before.”
Aurora: “We have?”
Phillip: “Of course. You said so yourself. Once upon a dream.” – Prince Phillip, Sleeping Beauty
Smooth moves, Prince Phillip. That “once upon a dream” line is aces. I would have ranked Prince Phillip higher if he hadn’t snuck up behind Aurora and nearly made her go running out of the woods (are Ferdinand and Phillip reading the same book?). But luckily for Phillip, an apology and that chiseled jaw are enough to win Aurora—and me—over.
“You fight good.” – Li Shang, Mulan
The grammar is off and the awkwardness is high, but when it comes to pickup lines awkwardness can actually be quite endearing. So, good on you for letting your guard down, Li Shang—it’s enough to keep me from schooling you on the difference between “good” and “well.”
“You seem very familiar to me. Have we met?” – Prince Eric, The Little Mermaid
I’ve watched The Little Mermaid many times and I still can’t tell if Eric is bluffing here or not. This pickup line is either an honest question or the most suave act I’ve ever witnessed. Either way, Eric pulls it off excellently. Bonus points for bringing along his dog, Max.
“Something tells me it’s suppertime.” – Tramp, Lady and the Tramp
Speaking of lovable dogs, Tramp’s line, like Eric’s, can also be filed under casual wins. It comes across as both off-the-cuff and full of anticipation, and is shortly followed by a legendary spaghetti dinner to put all other spaghetti dinners to shame. Well done.
“Here, let me help you out of there.” – John Smith, Pocahontas
John Smith’s pickup line is so effective, it inspires a small hurricane of magical dust to swell around him and Pocahontas. The only problem is, Pocahontas can’t understand it. But she can understand those blond locks and baby blues.
Silence. – Tarzan, Tarzan
Tarzan can’t speak English when he first meets Jane, but he can speak strong gestures. That palm to palm move is a page out of Romeo and Juliet, and it works like magic.
“Do you trust me?” – Aladdin, Aladdin
Bold, Aladdin, bold. He’s only just met Jasmine, and he’s already asking her to put her life in his hands. Well, in his right hand. But then again, he’s already saved her, showed her his place, and offered her an apple. We’ll forget that whole thing where he uses Abu to kind of share his feelings. I want to place a bunch of red roses right in that open palm!
No words. – Prince Charming, Cinderella
Maybe Prince Charming says something to Cinderella, and maybe he doesn’t. We’re too far away to tell. But what we’re not too far away to see is the way he bows like a total gent and then lets the power of dance do its thing. When you can waltz like a royal, who needs words anyway?
What Disney pickup line would make you hand out a rose? Tell us in the comments!